When the Moment is Right

I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. Nothing certifiable, but I’m always aware of body parts. A good day is not feeling one. So, when I flip on the radio or TV and am immediately besieged by ads for dentures, diabetes and defibrillators, I rail. If I’m going to confront a death threat, I’d rather it be from a flesh-and-blood assassin than the likes of that phantom gurney in the Plavix spots.

And don’t get me started on the slip-and-falls, the mood swings and the ultimate offenders: ads touting sexual enhancement so long as it’s less than four hours.

While these ads are everywhere here, such is not the case in some other countries. Former Envoyer and blogger Jess McCallie traveled through Europe during the past year, most recently settling in Istanbul. She wrote on her blog:

“While Turkey is the only predominantly Muslim country with a secular system of government, in day-to-day affairs that doesn’t matter.

“Sex is private. Though it is still used in advertising, it’s not to the extent that it is at home (lots less cleavage, implied sex, legs for day, etc.). And the extra-sensitive bits like ED and STDs are NOT blared about on TV. At all. Imagine a family gathered around the television — grandmother, mom and teenage daughter in headscarves, sitting with brothers and husbands and fathers — and a ‘when the moment is right’ commercial starts playing. Everyone would leave the room. I would.”
   
Growing numbers of industry analysts, health care watchdogs, even congressmen, want these ads banned in the United States, as well. James P. Othmer, author of Adland: Searching for the Meaning of Life on a Branded Planet, is unabashed:

“My all-time favorite pharmaceutical ad is for something called RLS (restless leg syndrome), a condition whose degree of absurdity is topped only by a drug’s potential side effects: ‘Tell your doctor if you experience increased gambling, sexual or other urges.’

“Makes one wonder how many evenings that began watching the news with a bit of cappuccino-induced leg bouncing ended in a Vegas hotel room with a bankrupt RLS sufferer snorting coke with a transsexual hooker. ‘Well, I lost every cent of my 401(k) nest egg, and my marriage, and I caught a rare STD. But at least I no longer have that irritating leg bouncing up and down thingy.’”

It’s unlikely that pharmaceutical direct-to-consumer (DTC) advertising will be curtailed any time soon. Not when every $5 billion spent by the drug companies yields $235 billion in sales, according to Nielsen Media Research.

Why, I’ll bet they’re working on a cure for hypochondria right now.